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Good afternoon ASDA. Please let me begin by asking you a question…
Have you ever been through a McDonalds drive through and received what can only be described as a burger that someone once slipped on in the street?
Like us all, you then frustratingly wondered how hard can it really be to assemble a burger from items of precooked, burger shaped food without it even slightly representing the burger on the menu….
I have similar thoughts on my online shopping experience with you so I pose this question once more, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD?
I have shopped in ASDA many of times and giving praise where due, very rarely do we struggle to find the items that we are looking for.
On receipt of my last order we had 5 substituted items. My understanding of a substitution is like in football when one player is taken off and he is substituted for another football player.
Going on your interpretation of the work substitution, perhaps they should actually be replacing the injured footballer for a snooker player.
When I ordered 40 snack bars for my children’s lunch boxes I did so because I needed 40.
Your item replacement of 16 snack bars was extremely unhelpful as was the squirty cream that you substituted in place of my tiramisu I ordered for a dinner party the following night.
The thing that I find most difficult to understand is that if my personal shopper went to the trouble of finding me food replacements (even if they were shocking choices) then why did I not receive my red wine?
You can’t tell me that there was no other Rioja in store that would have sufficed?
My guess is that he or she completely missed the wine aisle and couldn’t be bothered to go back and get it.
In fact looking at a previous shopping list I would be surprised if they even left the first aisle at all.
Maybe the genius who was summoned to collect my shopping should return to rehydrating the lettuce at McDonalds where their dull efforts will be expected.
I work for a prop making company who specialise in PR stunts and retail display. I have in the past completed work for the ASDA franchise.
I hope another contract comes my way soon because I am keen to repay the favour.
When we deliver the four 8ft tall green ASDA letters to site, it shall be accompanied by a receipt informing you that your order had to be substituted for a different set of letters spelling W.A.N.K.