jasper

My dog is a wierdo

My dog is a weirdo

My dog ‘Jasper the magnificent’ has developed a rather peculiar phobia.To be fair, he has always been a bit of a weirdo as well as being magnificent.

When we got him he was 18 months old and had spent the beginning of his life being ill-treated.
We never knew how he was ill-treated, but he wouldn’t like being left outside for any length of time.
This led me to believe that is previous owners used to leave him outside most of the time.
Thankfully, he is no longer afraid of this as he knows we will let him back in again once he has done a crap.

Another thing Jasper the magnificent does is chase cats.
We used to have 3 cats, now we only have 2 as one of them decided to pack her bags and move next door to avoid the incessant chasing.
Strangely, Jasper can share his bed with a cat without batting an eyelid but as soon as that cat moves Jasper springs to his feet and chases it until the fence stops him.
He does this every time and there seems nothing we can do to stop him.

Again, I assume he does this because where he spent the first year and a half there were no cats for him to get used to.

Most things about a dog’s behaviour can be explained by canine specialists, so if there is someone out there who can tell me the scientific reason for him being terrified of the grass in our back garden, I would be interested to hear it.

Take jasper for a walk in long, wet, muddy grass and he pounces about like a frog on a bonfire. But put him in his own back garden and he avoids treading on the grass by tip toeing around the edges of the patio and using the dirt patches on the lawn as though they are floating stepping stones above a river of molten steel.

The other day, I got fed up with the patio being strewn with his crap, so I put his collar on and tried to lead him onto the grass in the hope that he would realise there was nothing to be scared of.
I managed to yank him on there for several seconds before he ran back to the safety of the patio.

Until a dog specialist explains to me the reasons for this behaviour I shall continue to believe what I think happened to him to end up this way.

What happened was…

Our garden coincidentally lies directly under where Jupiter’s magnetic energy entwines with the galaxy’s bermudic seam, thus causing the seam to fracture for a one millionth of a nano second every year and therefore projecting an invisible air tunnel directly onto our lawn.

It is from this air tunnel that Jupiter’s nasty dog eating grass weevils travel in order to feast on my poor dogs legs.

Fortunately for our other dog ‘Cooper’ they only feast on the flesh of dogs with an IQ above 1.

This is the only possible explanation there is.

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