That Supermarket Woman

Honestly, what is her problem?

Is it the same lady visiting all the supermarkets in the county or has she found a way to clone and distribute herself to each and every one?
Who am I moaning about? That woman!

You must have seen her before, she stands in front of the meat or vegetable shelf, fondling each and every joint, steak, chicken breast and Maris Piper in sight.
Not only does she have her shopping trolley sideways next to her to prevent you from reaching any of it, she pretends to be unaware of you waiting patiently behind her for hours on end whilst she squeezes, pokes and examines the produce.

Surely a potato is a potato, what could she possibly examining it with such detail for? She is only gonna take it home and boil the crap out of it any way.
I’m sure that even if they were rocks disguised as spuds, by the time you have finished boiling them, a fart would have more substance.

Maybe this method of cooking is just used by elderly people, I remember going to my grandparents for dinner once and as I entered the house I passed the kitchen where I noticed my grandad putting the veg on, thus leaving me with the impression dinner would be ready in 10 to 15 minutes time.
45 minutes later when I asked him how long dinner would be he replied “not long Dan, I have just put the chicken in”

I have always been impressed with how my grandad manages to dish up cauliflower and place it upon a plate undamaged and whole, because as soon as you touch it with a fork it instantly evaporates into the warm  central heated atmosphere.

I’m not sure there is much we can do to prevent what I like to call ‘aisle hogging’ but if I ever own a supermarket I shall either have conveyer belt style flooring in the isles which would move slow enough for you to choose a suitable piece of meat for your tea, but too fast to allow you to ‘aisle hog’

It is a fool proof plan because even if you try to beat the system by slowly walking backwards, I shall turn the speed up from 1mph to 60, sending the rule breaker flying straight into a wall where they shall be heavily fined for loitering.

It’s gonna be a fantastic supermarket and it will sell 50 different types of sausage.





Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *